On the Regrets of the Dying…
Came across this article on the regrets of the dying that I found very interesting. I don't think it was a revolution in my way of thinking, but it confirmed and rephrased a lot of things that I've been thinking about for awhile. I highly recommend you jump over there and read the article, I'll wait. (It's pretty short)
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More people, obsessive overachievers in particular, need to put a greater emphasis on happiness in their lives. This is something that I've been saying since the beginning of this blog: the goal is HAPPINESS.
I don't believe that happiness is rocket science...
- Pursue your dreams as best you can
- Live a life that is true to yourself, as opposed to what is "expected"
- Spend as much time as possible with your family and friends
(Easier said than done, of course- and my goal with this blog is to find ways to get everything else out of the way so we can achieve these things.)
One thing that was surprising to me was: "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings." I don't entirely understand that yet, I need to think about it a bit longer, but here are some thoughts:
Our culture places a very high value on self-monitoring of emotions. We respect most the person who seems to 'have it all together' and keeps a calm, neutral face for every situation. We frown on people who give in to outbursts of anger or sadness, who speak their mind too plainly. As a result, I feel we devalue a lot of important emotions: passion for love and life, impulsiveness, and being mindful of joy, pain, grief, love... we don't want to give ourselves over to these emotions because it means relinquishing control of our societally-accepted face.
We don't like to lose control to our emotions.
And as a result, we are missing out on a true experience of life and the highs and lows that it can bring.
Courage does seem to play a big role here. Courage to not work as hard and spend time with family and friends instead. Courage to pursue dreams. Courage to express self more. Courage to let self be happier.
The Resistance wants us to swim with the school, blend in, and follow a list of checkboxes. That way "everything will be ok". When we fight that, we run into fear, and to face fear we need courage.
Is "ok" good enough to avoid deathbed regret?
Book Response: The Kaizen Way
I was recently forced to read "the Kaizen Way" as part of a change management program at work.
As far as books that I'm forced to read go, I rather liked it. It made sense, I got something out of it, and most importantly: it was pretty short. If you can get it out of the library, I would recommend it. I got it on the company's dime, but had I shelled out cash for it I would have felt a bit jipped. If you took all the content it was little more than a series of blog posts... with big font, huge margins and a thick cover.
But it was an easy, quick read with good tips and a solid message.
Really the only thing I didn't like about this book was the name. ("Kaizen" is kind of a dorky name that never really made sense to me. It's over-fluffy.)
Here is the gist of the book:
Big things freak us out. They trigger our lizard brain, and make us want to run screaming in the opposite direction.
Instead of trying to take drastic, massive steps, try to take the SMALLEST step possible towards your goal. Steps that take thirty seconds, one minute. Steps that are SO easy you can't possibly make an excuse not to do it.
Honestly, some of the steps that it suggested were so minuscule that they seemed kind of pointless and ridiculous, but the book itself was conscious of this fact. They said that the process was actually about building a pain-threshold for things that you fear, getting yourself in the habit, and chipping the mountain away pebble by pebble.
I've started incorporating a little bit of this into my personal life. If I'm confronted with something I'm really not into doing (usually: cleaning or some other chore), I "Kaizen it to death". There's a cluttered table, but I'm not super into clearing it off right now, so I'm just going to take ONE thing off every time I pass by.
Also I've started this approach to my passion projects.
I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Sometimes the prospect of setting up to work on a huge scary project is just too much. Before I drift into a time trap (TV or internet eye-candy) and lose the whole night as a result, I resolve do to at least ONE small thing towards my goals.
Ask yourself: "What is one tiny thing I can do TODAY to make life better?" Even if it's as simple as adding just the profile photo to my Linked In profile, or deleting one file I don't need. Sending ONE email.
Start with small steps, but take them every day.
Kaizen it to death.
Know Thyself
How well do you know yourself?
I can tell you about lists, and tactics, and tips until I'm blue in the face, but the truth behind mind management is that every single mind is different. Mind Management is about unlocking what makes YOU tick, and then structuring your life in a way that best takes advantage of your strengths and overcomes your weaknesses. In order to achieve this, you need to know what those strengths and weaknesses are.
Over the next few posts, I will take you through a series of thought-exercises that will help you discover some key facets of your own personality, and some tips to maximize your potential based on these facts. Every single person is different, and I don't think you should necessarily try to change what makes you who you are. Armed with the knowledge, however, you can come to realize why some things are easier or more fun to you, or why some things seem to stress you out, but not others. You might discover that a facet of your personality is restricting you from achieving "success" as you've defined it. You may discover that your personality is perfectly suited for a different type of success!
Now, once again: I'm little more than an arm-chair psychologist. I'll mostly be repeating theories that I've picked up from various other books, courses and sites. You'll need to take the theories with a grain of salt - none are 100% correct - but the ones I'll be repeating are the ones that I, personally, have derived the most value from in my own life.
The concepts we will explore in this series are:
- Locus of Control: who has the power in your life?
- Hierarchy of Needs: Where will you find happiness?
- Motivation: What types of things will motivate you the most?
- Introversion and Extroversion: What's the difference, and what does it mean for your happiness?
PS - Welcome to the readers from Social Change at Examiner.com ! I encourage you to check out the Index for the "foundation" posts of the blog, or just poke around the archives for whatever seems interesting 
I post about once a week.
DOING is IMPROVING
The more you do something, the better you will get at it.
The better you get at it, the more people will ask you to do it, or pay you to do it.
The more people pay you to do it, the more time you will have to spend doing it.
EXAMINE WHAT CURRENTLY OCCUPIES YOUR TIME AND ASK YOURSELF: IS THIS REALLY WHAT I WANT TO GET BETTER AT DOING?
Do you want to get better at forwarding joke emails? Driving in traffic? Data entry? Answering customer phone calls? Spreadsheets? Meetings? Cleaning?
It's a subtle thing, but it's the way we get roped into going places we really don't want to be, and it's an extension of the mantra "Work To Learn (not to earn)". Once you've learned enough to get by, ask yourself if you really want to get any better at it.
If you don't want to get any better... STOP.
Find a way out: hire someone else, find someone who likes to do it more than you do and trade skills, find a way to cancel or switch activities that make you do those things, or simply avoid those tasks.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET BETTER AT?
Find a way to spend more time doing THAT.
Enjoy Today
This has been my personal mantra lately. The end goal is happiness... but why wait?
You have to do your best to enjoy every single day, to enjoy the journey itself. Otherwise, the miserable weeks, months and years you spent trying to achieve your goals may not have been worth it.
So ENJOY TODAY.
Do your best to:
- use the hours productively towards your most important goals
- have as much fun as possible while you're doing it
- be calm and nice to people
- remember what matters and let go of what doesn't
Don't beat yourself up for not being a superhero. Don't let things that you can't control make you angry or sad. Relish in happy moments and seize opportunities to have fun.
As long as you're doing your best, as long as you're alive, you have a responsibility to your mind to be as happy as you possibly can be.
We only get one shot at today. Make the most of it.
Caveat Emptor
Angela May, Vancouver, BC
- I was born under the Cancer sign (Moody, Maternal, Stubborn), and in the Year of the Rat (Imaginative but Critical).
- I am moderately high-Mach (pragmatic), and have a high Need for Achievement (N.Ach - McClelland's Theory of Needs).
- I am INTJ ("Mastermind": Moderately Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging - Pragmatic contingency planners who love problem solving) .
- I am a kinesthetic learner (learn by doing).
- I'm flexatarian (a non-strict vegetarian) .
- I'm assertive and honest (sometimes too much so).
- I'm often cranky and I like to rant, but I'm trying to learn to be nicer to people.
- I find it much easier to speak in front of a crowd of 200 strangers than quietly with 3 new aquaintances.
- I struggle with mild depression and stress, but I've developed many strategies that help me cope with both.
- I have Circadian Rhythm Disorder (I am nocturnal) but I have strategies to deal with that, too.
Introduction
Life is too short to be unhappy.
Lightning Lake, British Columbia