The Doubters in your Midst: How to Cope
(This is part 2 of a series on "Doubters". Check out part 1 here!)
I'm jumping into some words that I defined last post, make sure to check that one out!
Underestimaters, Overestimaters and Pragmatists can be translated into three characters:
Underestimaters - The Lizard (Fear)
Overestimaters - The Cheerleader (Ego)
Pragmatists - The Scientist (Dispassionate Logic)
The cheerleader, the lizard, the scientist. These three elements are inside yourself as well, and you need to find a balance. If you are surrounded by lizards, you'll need a very loud inner cheerleader. If you have cheerleaders, you need a strong inner scientist. we all have an inner lizard, and most people are slaves to theirs. It's not our fault, if the lizard hadn't saved us from very real dangers, we wouldn't be here today. It's just not meant for modern times.
Below are various tactics you can try depending on the type of people you're dealing with.
With UNDERESTIMATERS
a) Leave, or hide your hobby or talent. It's so SO hard to live without the support of those closest to you, but if you are 100% behind what you want to do, you may have to cut those ties or you will never go anywhere.
Fighting them is a waste of your energy - energy that you can use towards your passion. Seek emotional support elsewhere - find others who are working towards the same passion that are Scientists and Cheerleaders. Build a new group of friends with whom to share your successes and challenges.
b) Convince underestimaters that you agree with them: The Scientist is a good defense against many Lizards.
Tell them: "I'm doing this "just because it's fun" - it's only for one hour a week, the rest of the week I'm working hard to support my family. I have money in the bank."
Leave it at that. Don't tell them about the contest you're entering, the book you're writing, the publishers you've submitted it to. They don't need to know (until you land that sweet book deal, and the press starts calling your house, at least).
c) Give In
Underestimaters will be constantly harping on you about having "steady income", or more "security". Actually working to attain these (perfectly reasonable) things might turn out to be less effort than putting up with their constant harassment. A 9-5 job is NOT the death of a dream.
d) Get something tangible to point to. Get a good full time job while you work on your passion in the evenings. Or, build a healthy savings account (you should anyway). Have them help you with your taxes so they can be 'sticker shocked' by the actual amount of income from the "hobby" you've managed to pull in this year. Show them your business plan and your success metrics.
e) Gather PROOF
Get press, awards, or review articles about your work to prove that objective professionals think you have something good going on.
f) Remember to cultivate your inner Cheerleader: when they knock you down, train your inner voice to tell you to get back up. "You can do it! They're just afraid of change, but I know you can prove them wrong!"
(Tip: many of these tactics work at silencing your "inner lizard", too! 
)
Sometimes, no amount of proof or logic can change an underestimater's mind. This is a very sad situation. I would advise you to give up on trying to change their mind and focus on succeeding in spite of them.
With OVERESTIMATERS
Overestimaters are awesome for a mood pick-me-up, but if you really want to scale that wall you'll need to get a better picture of how high it is.
a) Seek critique elsewhere. Never ask a cheerleader what they think of your work because they will only ever tell you it is "great" or "the best!". It's a nice ego-boost, but you need a realistic assessment if you're really going to improve.
b) Find a peer support group of scientists and even lizards that can properly benchmark you and give you real, actionable advice (not pie-in-the-sky dreams). Artists can often have their portfolio of work critiqued by a professional - this is an excellent reality check (but if you've been surrounded by overestimaters all your life, you should brace yourself for a seriously bruised ego).
c) Hide the plan
If you have a plan to improve your work, don't share it with overestimaters. They will think that the small action steps are a waste of time--- you should be taking your work right to the head of the department because you are so great, he would be crazy to turn you down!
d) Smile and listen to their platitudes, but remember that it's just noise. They love you! You should be happy that they are behind you 100%. Don't try to correct their perceptions, it will just make them upset and will make them try harder.
e) Cultivate your inner Scientist
When you're surrounded by overestimaters, your inner voice needs to be the voice of REALITY. Learn about metrics and gather HARD DATA about where you stand. Seek out experts. Read all you can about ways to improve.
With PRAGMATISTS
If you come from a family of pragmatists, you are very very lucky. Go home and give them a hug!! Pragmatists are hard to come by and you should be grateful. Even they need convincing sometimes, though. The biggest problem with pragmatists is that they are very averse to RISK - and you need to take risks to succeed!
a) Pragmatic people respond well to pragmatism. (Surprise!) If they think what you are doing is crazy, they will react as such and tell you so. Share your plan with them, your success metrics, the steps you intend to take to reach those metrics and what you intend to do if you don't.
b) Have a fallback plan
Pragmatists have your best interest at heart, truly, and their biggest fear is that you will stake EVERYTHING on something risky and it will ruin you. The best way to assuage this fear is to have a solid backup plan - something you can do to get by if this venture/career doesn't work out. Get some credentials that you can always go back to if it doesn't work out. It's good to have a fallback plan anyway!
c) Find a couple of cheerleaders
Pragmatists do have a habit of being too cold. When you have worked very hard for a small success, you might want a huge celebration but what you tend to get is something of an under-reaction. Tell them ahead of time that what you're facing is really challenging and what you really need is emotional support. If you tell them that straight-up, many will oblige (even if it is foreign territory for them.) As an alternative, find a group of cheerleaders elsewhere - someone, somewhere thinks you're just awesome, and you need to find them when you need a pick me up.
In all cases: seek the advice of PEERS
Whatever you're trying to achieve, it's always good to have a group of friends who are about at the same level and trying to achieve the same thing. You'll never get better advice.
WHAT ABOUT FRIENDS?
Friends fall into the same three categories, but to a less passionate level.
Not everyone in your group of friends is going to care about what you're doing, necessarily. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Some of your friends will care, some won't. It's ok - you're friends with them because they're fun to be around (hopefully), they're not your personal therapy group.
I tend to think of my friends in categories: "my writer friends, my skiing friends, my engineer friends," for example. My writer friends don't care very much about the achievements I've made in my technical career. My engineer friends don't know what what it feels like to finish a draft of a script.
So, if you do achieve something, don't expect all of your friends to bowl you over with enthusiasm (underestimaters) or realize how much work it was to achieve (overestimaters).
BUT WHAT IF THE DOUBTERS ARE RIGHT?
Are they right? You can seek as many second opinions as you want, but at the end of the day, it's up to you to decide.
- Is this still fun for you?
- Is the project you're working on going to remove a major barrier to your happiness: your education level, your location, or your health?
- What is the cost of failure? Is the reward of success worth a bit of pain?
- Are you able to 'hedge your bets': continue to pursue the dream without damaging other opportunities?
If your gut is telling you to still go for it, you should.
You might need or want their support -- financial or emotional-- but if you can't change the minds of Underestimaters and Pragmatists, you might need to find support elsewhere. It may be a sad truth, but it is a truth nonetheless. You can spend your time moping about it, or working on succeeding in spite of this obstacle.
You can do it!