What do you NEED?
Have you ever felt guilty for being sad, even though you have so much?
Ever wonder why money never seems to be enough, even though, compared to many others in the world, you are wealthy? Have you tried to motivate yourself with some material reward, but you didn't end up getting anywhere? Why not?
There are many things that our bodies need.
The lizard brain (amygdala) deep inside us drives us to find food, safety, shelter and sex. When we need these things it is VERY hard to ignore. ("You won't like me when I'm HUNGRY!")
It feels selfish to be sad when these base needs are satisfied. We are so lucky just to be safe and fed.
But the mind itself also has needs.
- Companionship.
- Self-Worth.
- Challenge.
Needs don't exist in isolation, they exist in a HIERARCHY.
Hierarchy of Needs
Physiological > Safety > Social > Esteem > Self-Actualization
BASE NEEDS
Your CORE needs. If these needs are not met, nothing else really maters
- Phisiological Needs: Hunger, Thirst, Shelter, Sex
- Safety Needs: Security, Protection from physical and emotional harm
INTERMEDIATE NEEDS
Humans, for better or worse, are social creatures. Our mind craves human interaction, and if our social needs aren't met, it leads to deep feelings of unhappiness. It's an archetype we're all familiar with: the miserable millionaire without any true friends.
- Social Needs: Affection, belongingness, acceptance, friendship
HIGH LEVEL NEEDS
Even the luckiest people - those with wealth, family and wonderful friends, can start to feel unsatisfied. At this point, you start to spend a lot of time worrying about your 'purpose', lamenting wasted talents and missed opportunities. High level needs drive us to better ourselves, they are why we get such a charge out of learning something new, or achieving something that, on a fundamental level, may not matter (as in, it isn't directly keeping us alive and safe).
- Esteem Needs: Self-respect, autonomy, achievement, status, recognition
- Self-Actualization Needs: Growth, achieving one's potential, self-fulfillment
These needs do not necessarily go in order. More than one need may be working to motivate you at the same time.
The point is this: Unsatisfied needs motivate. Satisfied needs don't motivate.
This is why you don't feel satisfied, even when compared to so many others you are so, so lucky. I mean, you're sitting here in the 21st century reading my words on the internet! You're not out working in a field. You have electricity! You might be lucky enough to be loved, to have dear friends and a great family.
When all of these needs are wholly satisfied, you start searching for more.
What is my purpose in life?
Am I achieving my full potential?
I wish I could be recognized for my talents.
So what should you do?
- Take stock of what you have and be grateful- you really are lucky!
- Don't feel guilty for wanting more. You can't change your brain!
- Look at the needs that may not be fulfilled: a sense of belonging, self-respect, fulfilment. Are one of those intrinsic needs unfulfilled for you? Maybe that's where you need to look next to seek happiness.
- Set, review or adjust your goals: If you already have enough money to survive, but all of your goals are financial, this may be why you're not motivated to meet them, or why you still feel unhappy when you ARE meeting your goals. Reframe your goals in terms of what you really may need: make new friends, improve yourself, gain a new skill.