Mind Management Angela May

Take responsibility for your own destiny

Do you have a big list of goals? Have they been goals for a long, long time? Does it seem like there *always* something in your way, working against you?

TAKE THIS QUICK TEST
http://www.psych.uncc.edu/pagoolka/LC.html

Nununo! STOP READING!

Go take the test! I promise, I took it (AT WORK), I didn't get any viruses, it is a clean and respectable site. There is a silly popup at the beginning that just takes your name. I want you to get a result without any bias!

....

Have you gone and taken the test?

Really? I promise it will really help you understand this better.
...

Okay.

You were given a score that indicates whether you tend to have an "Internal" or "External" locus of control.

What the HECK does that mean?

In the 1950s a psychologist named Julian Rotter developed this "Locus of Control" scale. The word "Locus" is latin for "location". The test measures who you believe has control in your life.

Those with an external locus of control tend to believe their situation is the result of luck or fate

• They may believe that they are just unlucky, or cursed, or that a God is causing their misfortune (or fortune).
• They tend to play the Victim, always blaming something other than themselves for their situation and failings
• They believe that they are not in control of their lives, and this can cause anxiety
• They might also lead easy-going relaxed and happy lives, because they accept the world for the way it is.

If you're the happy-go-lucky type, great. Don't change a thing! The goal is happiness.
But I get the feeling that happy-go-lucky types aren't reading this blog.

If you feel anxious because you don't have control over your life, you may need to work to develop a more INTERNAL locus of control. You CAN change your locus of control. It is a learned behaviour, and is not fixed over time.

Those with an internal locus of control believe success is based on their own efforts

• Nothing can hold them back except themselves
• They take responsibility for their own failures
• They are more motivated to try, because they believe their efforts will result in success.

There are drawbacks to having an internal locus of control, of course. It's easy to fall into the trap of getting down on yourself, or harboring a lot of unecessary guilt.

"If only I had...", "I should have..."

Those with an internal locus of control TAKE CONTROL of their own destiny and generally have more success in their lives.

How do you change your locus of control from external to internal?

1) Recognize when you're doing it
"I have no choice...."
"I can't because I have this disorder and blah blah blah"
"I can't go there because I don't have a car and blah blah blah"
"I'm stuck in traffic because my damn boss made me write that report and made me late and--"

2) Stop doing that.

Just STOP.

Once you sense yourself blaming something else, just stop.

So there's traffic! So what.

Accept the situation for what it is and try to make the best of it.

You ALWAYS have a choice
Even if you're stuck in traffic, you have a choice to sit there and fume, get mad and make yourself miserable, or you can accept it, sit calmly and brainstorm ways that you could drive less often.

3) Learn to frame your situation in terms of the choices that you've made

How did you get here? Why are you stuck in traffic?

You're here because you chose to work late and get that report  done. The report was due tomorrow, and it was the RIGHT decision at the time.

NOW you have the choice to sit here and be mad, curse out your boss for assigning you the report in the first place, OR you can accept that you chose this job because you like the city, you chose to drive there because you like your house. You can choose to take a risk and take the next exit, or you can wait patiently while traffic clears.

NEXT TIME you can choose to listen to the traffic report, plan your work day better, or consider learning to take the train.

Everything in life is a trade-off. We make the best decisions that we can based on information available at the time. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

4) Tell yourself that you can change

You can change ANYTHING.

Yes, ANYTHING in your life. It won't change instantaneously, and it will take a lot of GUTS and HARD WORK, but if you want it bad enough you CAN CHANGE ANYTHING and make it happen.

Don't shoot down options as "impossible". Really think things through. It might not be comfortable or easy but THERE IS A WAY.

5) Take control and start CHANGING things.

Is the commute really sapping your emotional energy that much? Is the added flexibility of driving really worth it? Is your house worth it? Is your JOB worth it? If one of those in the equation doesn't make sense, MAKE A CHANGE and assess the results.

Explore possibilities. Try something different. If it doesn't work out - it was still worth doing because you learned what DOESN'T work. KEEP TRYING.

Stop blaming other things for your situation. Things happen. Things have happened. DEAL WITH IT. The only people who make it in life are those who accept the world for what it is and MAKE CHANGES ANYWAY.

THE WORLD IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU. The world just is.

Time needs to be MADE. Money needs to be MADE. Opportunities need to be MADE. Connections and friendships need to be MADE. You need to CHOOSE to make these things happen, nothing is standing in your way but YOURSELF.

If you TRY and KEEP TRYING you will SUCCEED.